I’ll runaway with your footsteps ^____^
never be friends with someone you madly fell in love with.” Lagi sinasabi ni ja9 hahaha!!! Pero what if ganito yung situation, what if being friends with someone you love is freaking inevitable? Hindi pwede yung habang buhay kang iiwas. Ang magagawa mo nalang ay wag ka nalang magbigay ng malisya sa mga bagay-bagay para hindi ka na umasa ulit at masaktan kasi baka mamaya ikaw lang pala yung nag-iisip non. Kahit anong effort/favor yung gawin nya sayo, magkaibigan lang kayo. Kahit lumalapit sya sayo at nakikipag-usap, magkaibigan lang kayo. Kahit na madalas nagtatama ang mga mata nyo at random times, magkaibigan lang kayo. Kahit na anong mangyari, ayun lang ang dapat mong isipin kasi ayun yung totoo at ayun ang pinaka-safe isipin. Syempre mahirap yun, siguro sa una lang :) Masasanay ka din, mapapagod ka din mag-isip, mag-assume at maiisipan mong nonsense na yung paglalaan mo ng time sa pag-iisip kasi wala namang nangyayare, kasi ikaw na lang naman ang may paki-alam. Wala ng halaga sakanya kung ano yung nararamdaman mo, basta alam nya, magkaibigan lang kayo. Malamang, madaming naiinis kung bakit di pa daw iwasan, para di na masaktan. Bakit? Magiging okay ba pag umiwas? Mawawala ba yun sakit? Sasaya na ba? Lalo lang magugulo e. Hindi ko alam, dapat hindi ito yung iniisip ko, dapat nag-aaral ako ng Excel kasi report ko yun. May 1 week pa naman kaya keri lang ^___^ Marami pa kong tanong na hindi nasasagot. Nababaliw na ko kakaisip. Wala rin naman akong magagawa. Wala din akong karapatan na magtanong pa. So, anong pinaglalaban ko dito e kaibigan lang naman ako? Wala na kong mapagkwentuhan kasi it seems that everyone is judging me. Alamoyun? Kapag nagkkwento ka sakanila, iba na yung tingin nila sayo, parang (anobayan paulit-ulit ka nalang, layuan mo na yan kasi, nag-aassume ka nanaman, ikaw nalang nag-iisip nyan) kaya ayun, I just keep it to myself and give myself a sort of advice nalang hahaha from me ;) Di ba parang timang? XD If you were on my shoes, you’d fall on the first step. Kalma lang guys, I know what I’m doing. Minsan di ko naman kelangan ng advice nyo eh, gusto ko lang nung makikinig sakin, yung iintindihin yung sitwasyon ko, yung hindi ako ijujudge kaagad, mga ganon. Echusera! HAHAHAHA deh kasi sobrang bigat na sa loob ko e hahahaha drama :P Araw-araw di ko alam kung ano ikikilos ko, feeling ko lahat mali, feeling ko lahat binibigyan nila ng meaning. Pag nagppray ako, gumagaan yung pakiramdam pero pag naaalala ko nanaman, bumabalik ako sa stage 1 hahahaha!! I can’t explain it any further, basta…. Mahirap! Sobra. Magkaibigan lang kami, wala ng hihigit pa don at alam ko yon. Kayo lang naman nag-iisip ng masama e hahaha :P Well sorry guys ha! Sorry kung pinipili ko maging masaya, sorry kung I took this situation less serious hahahaha I don’t want to move on in the most miserable way. Everybody has that one person that they will never stop loving, kahit na sobrang gulo na ng sitwasyon, kahit na hindi na pwede kasi wala na rin namang sense. I hate the thought that my heart doesn’t know the meaning of just friends. (but my brain does)
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
"And then the line was quiet but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not on his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenvous third space that could only be visited on the phone" -Hazel Grace #tfios
I am a type of person who always see the flaws of others and discuss to every people I used to talk to. I’m such a
bad person, a perfectionist, an inconsiderate one. I say everything that I wanted to say and does not care if someone might get hurt, but at least they know. I notice everyone’s mistake. I am a frank person, I admit. Sometimes, I’m going beyond limits. I almost act like a brat. Even my closest friends were not exempted on my freaking attitude. They are mostly my victims. But they love me anyway and I can’t thank them enough. I know that I am the worst person everyone could ever know. But maybe, there’s something about me that kept them being around. I never see my mistakes. I’m so busy making problems with anyone’s life. Not knowing that I am being one of the people I hated the most. Then one day, I realized that my real enemy is the one I see whenever I’m looking at the mirror. What now? What am I supposed to do if I am against myself? I should change my ways. I’m being forced against my will to be someone I am not. This conflict is worse than having a fight with my dearest friends, because this is all about me and I have no one to consult with. I’m facing a battle on my own. No one could ever help me except myself. I know I’ll get through this and it will make me a better person unlike the one I used to be. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to ruin a relationship ever again for my own sake. Sorry for being mean. :(
Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. You have to let go of something in order to have what you deserve. But how would you know if the thing you’re getting rid off is the one you deserve? The things we hardly get are the exact same thing we value the most.